literature

The Fire In Her Eyes

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PhabiannThePoet's avatar
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Literature Text

I had a dream
of a woman of beauty supreme
With compassion without measure
and a heart more valuable than treasure

Her hair as black as the Night that covers us
and lips of innocence, unable to cuss
Her gilded eyes of fire
within them, no evil did conspire.

She had no hate in her heart
only love did she impart.
With her words she could heal
but could also bring men to kneel.

But in my dream she was nestled in a tree
locked in a cage, away from me.
In her eyes, pain I did see,
and how she longed to be free

Locked away, inside,
from her cage, she cried
Her tears fell like rain
oh, how I wished I could ease her pain.

Though she were caged
the fire in her eyes still blazed.
Though she were captured
in love she was enraptured

Her tears tried to drown her fire
but her flames would not tire,
because in her heart she could foresee
that someone would come along and set her free...
I hoped with all my heart that it would be me.

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Comments14
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LifeOfSherman's avatar
This is really beautiful. You have a fantastic vocabulary and the imagery and storyline is great. To improve, perhaps you could make sure that your lines stick to a more consistent rhythm, and using 'cuss' in the second stanza didn't fit the tone and it seemed like you just put that in to fit with the rhyme scheme (which I have been completely guilty of on multiple occasions so I empathize).

I am being nitpicky, though. This was a really enjoyable read. <3